Look Ma, This Is How Money Grows!

Said our PM, with absolute ease:
"You see, money does NOT grow on trees".
What was unsaid, was wealth
Grew through scams, via stealth --
And was stashed in those banks, overseas.

September 21, 2012: Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, in his televised address to the nation, tried to justify his recent 'reform' decisions to hike fuel prices and limit subsidy on cooking gas by saying that 'money does not grow on trees'. Get the story here.

For the Men in Blue

Collage created by Flickr user Eustaquio Santimano, used under CC BY 2.0

Our men in blue came, showed their grit,

They refused to be cowed down, or quit.

They chased a neat score

Of 274*--

Emerged champions-- and history was writ!

(*Two-seventy-four)

Sexing up cricket

When I told them, "boys, get some action,"
Said Kirsten, with dissatisfaction,
 "I meant, practice cricket,
Not, go forth and stick it --
Am hurt by such vulgar reaction!"

Crickinfo India 25/09/09:  Gary Kirsten, India's coach, has said he was not involved in the preparing a controversial document that encouraged cricketers to have sex before matches.Get the story here

Further reads 1, 2 

On why the BJP is not Ku Klux Klan

A clearly rattled BJP worker tells Inkspot why Mr. Jaswant Singh's Ku Klux Klan analogy was absolutely unacceptable.

"He can finger our RSS souls,
And can blame us for having no goals.
But all this Klan talking,
Is simply too shocking--
For we never wear white sheets with holes!"

TOI 27/08/09: Jaswant Singh's reference to the BJP, of which he was member for 30-odd years, as a KKK-type outfit came in an interview to a news agency. Apparently in reaction to a question on why he was sacked, the former minister said, "Please don't ask me. I am outside the magic circle of advisers or thinkers. Because I am not from the RSS, is that why? So are we a political party? Is the BJP becoming some kind of an Indian version of Ku Klux Klan?" Get the details here

In matters of religion, sometimes the path leads to the bath

"Religion", said Santa, forlorn,
"These days is of Godliness shorn.
So priests spend their hours,
Filming ladies in showers,
And, believe it or not, watching porn!"


TOI 16/08/09: Sikh priest films woman taking bath. Get the story here

Look ma, there's a minister in the tiger's cage!

Did you hear of the minister who
Went and entered a cage in the zoo?
It seems he was cheered
On by those who appeared
To have mistaken him for a gnu!

--------------000------------------

Did you hear of the minister who
Went and entered a cage in the zoo?
Well he wanted to pat
What he thought was a cat
And now all that remains, is his shoe!


Inspired by this news item in the TOI, 17th August, 2009: Minister enters tiger cage in zoo. Read the story here


!

How far will you go for that monsoon shower?

We hope that the gods find alarming,
The sight of those naked girls farming,
And embarrassed powers,
Send us monsoon showers--
But what if they find the sight charming?

Reuters 23/07/09: Naked girls plough fields in India for rain. Get the story here

When Mamata de-railed Laloo

The Gods in the heavens said, "Hail
O Mamtadi, minister of Rail.
It is Lalooji's sighs,
That, in cyclonic guise,
Is ravaging Bengal as gale!"

India elections '09: India decides to strengthen the hand

The voters said, we understand -
Our country needs stable command.
So they flung a few shoes,
Then when time came to choose,
Then went out and high-fived the hand!

What a day it turned out to be! The Indian voters finally put an end to all speculations regarding the rise of regionalism, fragmented franchise, need for severe horse-trading, holding government to ransom and what not, by delivering a clear mandate in favor of a stable government to be formed by the Congress-led UPA. Get more of the story here

Daisy who?

"My memory", he said, "maybe hazy,
But to date unknown actors like Daisy?
If you really must know,
I will never stoop so low,
As to propose to a struggler - that's crazy!"

6th May, 2009: Indian Cricketer Sreesanth denies rumors of romancing a little-known actress, Daisy Bopanna. Get the story here

Look ma, a kissing couple!

Is kissing in public, offense?
If unmarried, yes, and so hence-
forth for your capers,
Please carry your papers
That prove that you're married - make sense?

:D

MSN News 22/04/09: New Delhi: Kissing by married couple is not obscenity, says Court. Taking serious note of the growing trend of moral policing, the Delhi High Court Wednesday asked the Delhi police commissioner to hold an inquiry against a police official who had charged a newly married couple with obscenity when they kissed in public. Get the story here

I must point out here, that I am against moral policing in any form. However, if, as the news item mentions, only married people can kiss in public, some grave questions arise in this context (check out the comments section of the news item). Do the people in question have only to be married, or must they be married to each other? What kind of kissing will be allowed? What is a public place? Will a public place be defined similarly to the places where smoking is not allowed? Such thoughts surely call for a Newsmerick ~ InkSpot

Power to the people!

When you're baking, in heat, like a bun,
A power cut's surely no fun.
I think powers that be
Will finally see
Why we must harness power of the sun!

Well, the last few days have been terrible in Kolkata, weather-wise. A sweltering temperature of 40/41degrees, high humidity and frequent bouts of power failure (coupled with Dada's ouster as captain of the KKR) - the lethal combination is seeping the life force out of Kolkatans. The power production is failing miserably to keep up with demand. A few days back, all the units of one big supplier tripped in unison, leaving citizens power-less for hours on end. Since then, with an average of 4-5 instances of power cuts per day, the dreaded word "loadshedding" is back with a vengeance in our day-to-day conversations.Maybe the time has come to focus on solar emergy, like never before. Well some good news in that direction here. If lights come, can fans be far behind? One hopes...

Not enough proof

Thought CBI, "We'll bury in quiet,
The '84's anti-Sikh' riot.
Got Tytler absolved,
So our case is now solved--
Wonder why the Sikhs don't want to buy it?"

The Hindu 03/04/09: The Central Bureau of Investigation on Thursday submitted in a trial court here that it did not have sufficient evidence to prosecute the former Union Minister, Jagdish Tytler, in a 1984 anti-Sikh riot case...The CBI counsel submitted that it had filed the cancellation report and wanted to close the probe.Get the story here

India elections '09: Vote with care

The election's approaching, take note.
Your opinion now matters, please vote.
But be careful, dear readers,
Elect ONLY those leaders --
That know how to rudder the boat.

In support of the Total Sanitation Campaign

A campaign that seeks to provide
Sanitation for all, nationwide,
Has now found a creed
For their drive to succeed --
No toilet yet? Sorry, no bride.

The Total Sanitation Campaign run by the Ministry of Rural Development, aims to provide full sanitation coverage to all the rural areas across India by 2010. That gradually this campaign is making inroads into people's consciousness and making them aware of the need for toilets, hygiene, need for privacy etc., can be seen from this TOI report from Haryana.
...

Neerja Shekhar, director of the Women and Child Development department, Haryana, says it has been four years since Haryana embarked on a massive campaign to create awareness about sanitation with jingles on the radio, advertisements on television,posters and banners. For four years, the campaign sought to convince people. Today, it can be seen to have borne fruit. Much credit goes to the “no toilet, no bride” slogan in rural areas. Shekhar says that “as many as 1.41 million toilets have been built across the state in the recent past. (TOI, 22nd March, 2009).

Holy Cow! What next? Cow chips as snack?

Said Pepsi to Coke, with a hiss,
"These Indians say something's amiss
With our cola formulation;
So this cow-loving nation,
Will now bottle and drink bovine piss!"

Indian Express: The RSS (Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh), a Hindu nationalist organization in India, has found something to give the popular colas and cold drinks a run for their money: bovine urine. The Sangh's Cow Protection Department is planning to produce a soft drink with this magic ingredient as base, and believes it will sweep the market. Get the detailed story here

The bait for a mate

A spinster real eager to wed
Was depressed and losing her head.
So a crook thought, "What luck!
Let me make a quick buck,
By having this maiden misled."

"How to get you a groom sis, I know.
All you have to do - kill a rhino.
At 3 lakhs, a steal,
For a sure marriage deal."
- Imagine, had it been a dino?

Dear ladies, the search for a mate,
May well make you stop thinking straight.
But if you're so dumb,
To such ploys to succumb,
Then, sure as hell, you're tempting fate!

TOI 12/2/09: MUMBAI: The Shivaji Park police are looking for a 36-year old tantrik who took nearly Rs 3 lakh from a 30-year-old woman and fooled her into believing that sacrificing a rhino would help her find a match. The accused, Farid Shah, even promised the victim to find one in UP. Get the story here

Link, courtesy: Ramesh Srivats

Inkspot on Mangaloremania

First the pub attacks in Mangalore, then the targeting of noodle straps and Valentine's day - these hooligans are I suppose setting new standards of 'Hindu culture'. According to them:

A good Hindu girl ain't no sinner.
She stays at home, cooks lunch and dinner.
She steers clear away,
From Valentine's day --
Her blouse straps will never get thinner.

A good Hindu man will pursue
Women in pubs, beat them blue.
Like a hawk (or a vulture),
He'll protect 'Hindu culture' --
Though, what that is, he has no clue!

Will the real Dutt please stand up?

I.
Just who is that man flying high?
None other than our Munnabhai
The actor turns 'neta',
'Khalnayak' to 'Vijeta'--
By talking Gandhigiri -- what a guy!

The Hindu 18/01/09: LUCKNOW: Ending speculation about his entry into politics, film actor Sanjay Dutt was on Saturday presented to the people of Lucknow by the Samajwadi Party as its candidate for this year’s Lok Sabha elections.The actor responded saying that ‘Gandhigiri’ would be his election agenda and he would endeavour to carry forward the political legacy of his late father, Sunil Dutt. Get the story here

II.
Said Munna, "I swear on my life,
My sister just can't stand my wife.
Now my partner and me,
We're the true Dutts you see,
And that's what is causing the strife!"

TOI 19/01/09: No sister gets along with her brother's wife, say's Dutt. Get the story here

The Satyam saga

When the big boss of Satyam confessed,
That for years, the accounts had been dressed,
His shocking revelation,
Sent shivers through the nation,
For he'd stirred up a huge hornet's nest.

Said Raju, "Believe, I implore,
That I sincerely tried to restore
The accounts, put them right,
But by then, my sore plight,
Was like riding a beast carnivore."

"How I wish I had not tried the stunt
Of acquiring the name back to front**
Now the fear of being mangled,
Has me further entangled,
So I guess I must now bear the brunt!"

The Sunday Times 11/01/2009: India rocked by its own Enron - Ramalinga Raju, the founder of Satyam Computers has shocked corporate India by confessing to having cooked the books at Satyam for years. In a fraud already labelled as India’s Enron, Raju admitted to having inflated the reported cash and bank balances of the company by $1 billion (£660m), while overstating revenues and understating liabilities. As the company grew, the gap between fact and fiction widened.“It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten,” the 54-year-old wrote in his resignation letter. This weekend he is being held in custody, leaving a trail of destruction and unanswered questions behind him. Get the rest of the story here

** Maytas = Satyam spelled backwards