In matters of religion, sometimes the path leads to the bath

"Religion", said Santa, forlorn,
"These days is of Godliness shorn.
So priests spend their hours,
Filming ladies in showers,
And, believe it or not, watching porn!"


TOI 16/08/09: Sikh priest films woman taking bath. Get the story here

Baptized with Cola

Where there is a will, there is way,
So when water froze on a cold day,
The priest said, "I think,
A lemony drink
Can help save the baptism day!"

Reuters 31/03/09: A Norwegian church used lemon-flavoured cola instead of water in a baptism ceremony after its taps were temporarily turned off because of freezing temperatures, daily Vaart Land said on Tuesday. Priest Paal Dale from the town of Stord, about 150 miles west of the capital Oslo, improvised during a recent cold-spell by dabbing the lemon fizzy water on a baby during a baptism ceremony, it said. Get the story here

Holy Moly!

The church warden looked quite forlorn;
"The chap was praying, I could have sworn!
Then on closer inspection,
Came to sight, his erection -
Guess the damned blighter was surfing porn!"


Yahoo News 01/02/08: Man views porn on nun's computer! Get the story here

The fundamentals of Bengali liberalism

We Bongs are a true class apart;
Told Nasrin, "You needn't depart";
But then we got cracking
And sent her a-packing.
The reason? A quick change of heart!

The Left Front Government bowed to minority pressure and asked Bangladeshi author Taslima Nasrin to move out of West Bengal. Get the story here

An update: Now it seems that Nasrin has been moved out of Rajasthan too. This gets interesting...we extend her visa (we are liberal) then don't know where to keep her (we don't want to stir up the fundamentalist hornet's nest)!.

Ram Naam Satya Hai

Had Ram really lived? It's a mystery.
The Government finds no proof in history.
But being litigious,
In matters religious,
Can make or mar vote bank chemistry!

HT 14/09/07: A deeply embarrassed government has decided to withdraw from its affidavit in the Ram Setu case the portion which said there is no historical and scientific evidence to establish the existence of Lord Ram or other characters of the Ramayana. Get the story here

Getting your goat!

"We'll be safe," claimed the pilot, (with nods),
On being questioned - "Sir, what are the odds
That this flight with a snag
Will not crumple like rag?"
"For we've sacrificed goats to the Gods!"

Yahoo News 04/07/07: Officials at Nepals state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday. Get the story here

For whom the bells toll

O pastor sir, you're out of line.
Loud church bells at dawn? Pay a fine.
The townsfolk have vowed,
That your clangs are too loud,
From now on play soft - after 9!

Yahoo News 16/08/07: A Dutch priest has been fined 5,000 euros (3,382 pounds) for ringing his church bells too loudly in the morning. Get the story here

I guess one can't always be too religious early in the mornings :D

Praying for money

The elderly woman said, "son,
I pray to you, lower your gun.
You see, there's a hitch
In trying to get rich
By robbing me - I am a nun!"

Yahoo News 16/08/07: Man arrested for trying to rob a nun! Get the story here

Bull-(be)headed

"Our Shambo the bull, is a God."
The Hindu, he said with a nod.
"So I find this prognosis
Of his tuberculosis,
A sacrilege, trifle too odd!"

Guardian 26/07/07: The long battle to save Shambo the temple bullock in the UK, ended when he was taken away for slaughter. Get the story here

A Hell of a name!

The ol' teacher said, "Sir, we can tell
That your son is a misfit, won't gel
With kids that extol,
The heavens as goal,
With a name that reads Master Max Hell!"


Yahoo News 09/07/07: A boy called Hell has been barred from enrolling in a Catholic school in Australia because his surname jarred with its religious teachings, the child's father said Monday. Get the story here

Leap of faith

"Sir, you oughtn't to have my goose fried,"
Said the young boy as he was being tried.
"Yes, I did jump the Pope,
But it was in the hope,
Of being given a popemobile ride!"

Guardian Unlimited 06/06/07: A German man jumped a security barrier and grabbed the back of Pope Benedict XVI's open popemobile before being swarmed by security guards Wednesday - reviving a debate over whether the pontiff needs stronger protection during his public audiences. Get the story here

(Photo courtesy AFP)

The breastfeeding fatwa: It sucks!

The male workers let out a chuckle
"Mr. Ezzat should be firm and not buckle.
We are starting to drool,
At the thought of a rule,
Where every female colleague we can suckle!"

Reuters UK 21/05/07: Cairo's al-Azhar Islamic University on Monday suspended a lecturer who suggested that men and women work colleagues could use symbolic breastfeeding to get around a religious ban on being alone together. Read about it here

It seems there is a high buzz around this fatwa both in the blogworld and in nursing homes, where nursing is to take on a new meaning.

What a knocker!

Happy birthday dear Father!

There lived a young lady in Rome,
Who went off to St. Peter’s dome.
She climbed the bell-rope,
Yelled, "long live the Pope,"
Then climbed down and headed back home!


USA Today 16/04/07: The Pope turns 80 in low-key fashion.