Look ma, the Tiger needs help!

A DNA News report states that "a top health expert has tagged Tiger Woods a "sex addict" who needs immediate help". (link via @greatbong). Our intrepid reporter Inkspot promptly dreamt of calling up this expert to get a first hand account of his diagnosis. Here below is an excerpt from the interview that did not take place.

"If Tiger Woods knows what is good
For him", said the doctor, Smallwood,
"He'll come to me sure,
To seek out a cure -
He's an addict, I've clear understood".

"For golfing words like the 'flagstick'
Are nothing but codeword for d**k
And what's a 'good lie',
But outdoor sex high,
With many a mistress or chick?"

"His golfing days have been a dream.
But now he seeks life more extreme.
And that's why you'll find,
There's sex on his mind,
For how else can he let off steam?"

"Till date, Mister Woods had it all.
His golf strokes had power to enthrall.
The world watched him swing,
His club like a king,
But now the poor chap's dropped the ball!"